David Sedaris and I are new BFFs

"Did you see any turds today?"

...is what David Sedaris asked me directly, square in the eyes tonight. And thus began my six-minute conversation with David Sedaris, post book tour talk at Mako Live House.

I have not been as forthcoming with my Beijing scatological humor as David Sedaris is and was this evening. His reference is to the feces one can find in the streets of Bejiing, in the un-flushed toilets of public restrooms, in the stumbled upon back alleys, or popular paths frequented by walking dogs.

But isn't it the kind of thing you find only when you are looking for it?

I didn't have the heart to tell him about babies and their split pants. Public potty training at its finest.

It wasn't all toilet humor. Our conversation and his book reading. He obviously entertained us with stories from his latest satirical compilation Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. When asked by an audience member, he said that he is the "Motherless Bear," and the "Vigilant Rabbit" is based on a power hungry, aggressive, elderly TSA woman he came across during one of his many airport frisks. His taxi travels in Beijing reminded him of a piece from Engulfed in Flames that had the entire audience in a fit of laughter. He shared his newly selected Chinese name which he chose from the menu of a local restaurant: Water Seepage Bullfrog (I am pretty certain I know which restaurant he patronized. I've been there a few times, and you don't forget that kind of menu item). Overall, I hope he enjoyed his first trip to Beijing. He told us that he thought Beijing was a "wild, just wild" place to be these days.

When I had my eight minutes to chat with him as he was signing my book...did I say six minutes earlier? Well now I am certain it was more like eight minutes -- the conversation was going so well, we had so much in common. For example, we spoke about learning another language (he puts down his French like all good bi/tri/multi-lingual speakers).  I told him how Beijing seeps into you; the language, the food, the unwonted breach of norms that become mundane over time. Soon enough, you don't see any turds. Until you step in them, that is. OK. And maybe I didn't actually use the word "unwonted" in his company. Ok. But he's funny, I'm funny (right?). Perhaps we don't have all that much in common.

Here's my big takeaway from my night with David Sedaris (we're not exactly on a first name basis, so I'll stick with his full English name instead of Water Seepage...): Now is the time to be in Beijing, just to see what's going to happen. Stick around. Ten years from now, it is very likely that this may be a very different place, and I just may be a (very) different person. Except for that part about me being funny. That won't change. 

the science and art of healing

If your day is turning out to be anything like mine, then I am certain you have been anxiously awaiting for the results of yesterday's science experiment.

Just let me grab another tissue, first.

OK. So, I'm not cured. But I did sleep a lot better (after my second piping hot mug of the elixir known as Ganmao Qingre Keli). Almost immediately after finishing yesterday's post and the first round of meds, my head cleared up, which made breathing, that daily task that is taken for granted all too often, much much easier. I don't want to jinx myself by being too optimistic, but this stuff seems to be working my cold up and out of the confines of my body.

I'll give it another day, another round of watching TV shows on DVD (we found that forgotten but beautifully costumed series Pushing Daisies), another book reading, and another few mugs of the wonder drug before I weigh in with my final analysis.

I promise much more exciting news on the horizon. Chun Jie is really right around the corner. I have almost two weeks off from classes because of the holiday - adventures abound! We are seeing David Sedaris tomorrow evening at Mako Live House; so now I must save up the remainder of my energy to think of something witty to say to him as he's autographing my copy of his latest book (Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk)! I have ruled out Chinese phrases I have learned such as, "what a good dog you have!" I say this as I am petting the neighbor's overly-active golden retriever and it is stealing my mitten off of my hand in one slobbery fell swoop. Or, for instance, when I introduce Z to my Mandarin teachers, saying, "this is my husband, he is a student of history" which actually usually comes out of my mouth as, "this is my student, he is a Chinese husband history." Or, my favorite, "today is very cold, you should wear a coat!" I never get that one wrong.