Our first set of friends is arriving in around 48 Beijing hours, so I have compiled a list of things our guests can look out for during their first visit to China. Let's call the list "The Charm of the City" because without these little peccadilloes, Beijing might just be another old city. OK. Another old city, minus the thousands of years of history. The great food. The cultural icons. The impromptu street performances. The shopping. The old men doing early morning tai chi... .
Should we assign points for items spotted from the list?
Before I start listing, I've written a little poem to inspire you (although it's not a haiku).
This isn't meant to discourage,
Be brave! Be spontaneous! Be Beijing!
And then you'll find your courage.
In no particular order:
1) The "3 S's" - Staring, Spitting, Squatting. Not mutually exclusive. I'll break it down for you:
Staring - You are a foreigner in Beijing. Expect the Westerners to go out of their way to ignore you, and some of the locals to get a good long look at you. You can try staring back, but then that just gets awkward. If you are lucky, the staring will lead to requests to have your photo taken with the stare-er. Popular spots for these pictures are usually around Tian'anmen Square and the Forbidden City. Don't forget to smile!
Spitting - This morning experience is the perfect example. A heard a loud and long huck-cough-sputter behind me, just to turn around to see one of the elderly, 90-lb women who lives in my building let a big wad-o-spit-and-whatever-else loose onto the sidewalk. Then with in her modest voice, she exchanged morning pleasantries with me. You might find you want to try public spitting while you're here. Go ahead, work up some saliva and give a good paaah-tooey out the side of your mouth. It's gross, it's unavoidable, but sometimes it's liberating. Just try to aim away from others when projecting your phlegm.
Squatting - The ladies have it more difficult than the men folk around here as far as public toilets are concerned. Have you been working out your thigh muscles? Just like any other international city across the world, Beijing has its fair share of squatting toilets. I know of no other country than the US that does not have a similar system. I do love spotting Western toilets although, because generally the doors are labeled "For the Weak Only." So my advice for the proud and strong is to carry around extra packs of pocket-sized tissues and hand sanitizer.
2) This is a nice segue to a discussion about the the plumbing system in Beijing. Don't flush TP down the toilets. Never. Ever. Don't do it. Anywhere. Not in your hotel WC. Not in the restaurant bathrooms. Not in the public restrooms on the street. And especially not in my powder rooms. No one wants the responsibility of cleaning up the results of a clogged Beijing toilet. Also, sidebar, you will be happy to know Z and I have solved the mystery of the unpleasant odors emanating from our drainage system. Everything's as fresh as a daisy now.
3) The crowds, the crowds, the crowds! I'll leave you with that tease, and let you come to understand for yourself how 22 million people can fit into one city.
4) When crossing the street bear in mind that all persons and vehicles simultaneously have the right of way. This includes, but is not limited to pedestrians, bicyclists, taxi drivers, official government and public safety vehicles, old men with carts of sticks piled 10 feet high, the average everyday driver with a brandy-new license and an eagerness to drive, those on the road without licenses, that guy over there with the steel drum of hot sweet potatoes...So, how did the chicken cross the road? First, he looked left, right, then left again, then right again. He checked the traffic light, he inched his way to the middle of the road dodging bikes and beeps looking left and right again. Then, he spotted the old Beijing lady with the cart full of fresh groceries, kept his eye on her the whole time, and gunned it as soon as she stepped off the curb.
5) You can leave your sleep number bed at home. Sturdy, back building, hard mattresses are where it's at in BJ. That doesn't mean that the sheets won't be comfy-cozy, or that you'll even have a bad night's rest.
Just remember the first time you plop down to take it a bit easy.
6) I am doing my best to ask for Beijing's cooperation with the weather and the pollution. If only I knew how to fax a "Please Stop" memo to the drivers of the nearly 12,000 new cars on the road every day. If we ask very nicely maybe the factories will shut down for a week or two. Instead let's just think sunshine and lollipops until you arrive.
What? Were you expecting a "Top Ten List?"
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