For example: I burst into tears at the beginning of yesterday's Mandarin lesson. That was classy. There I am, stumbling in another language through my, my, my sniffles and my, my, my sobs trying to explain that we have to leave soon, and why I am so upset because I didn't really prepare myself for that reality. I try to express how much I am going to miss my teacher, my students, the cheap Popsicles sold at every street corner magazine stand, amongst other things, when the classroom turns into a frenzy of sadness and spattering. My teacher starts to tear up because I can't seem to pull myself together, and then my new Spanish classmate starts to cough uncontrollably, choking on the remnants of his last cigarette. Three grown people running amok in the first ten minutes of the day's lesson. I was appalled by my own behavior - I forgot to chant the mantra "there is no reason to cry, so I will not cry!" At least my laoshi turned the moment into a lesson. We learned how to say, "Are you OK?" and reviewed the ever popular phrase, "I do not know when I will return to Beijing, but perhaps we can Skype!?" A-ya - Chinese for ehh, ugh, err. Composure is not my strong suit these days.
What I should have expressed to my teacher and fellow adult classmate, in a manner indicative of someone who's in control of her emotions, was that Z was offered a graduate student teaching position back in Boston, so...Responsibility won us a spot back in the states sooner than Adventure wants us to be there. We've yet to set a specific date for our return home, but we know that school starts the first week of September, and that means we have to leave enough time for putting our lives back together in the US. The thought of squashing everything into our four suitcases leaves me ill. How is it all going to fit?! We'll try to slow-ship some of our clothing and books as soon as possible, but the cost and the weight seem to add up so quickly. Tip for US expats on a budget: (a) don't purchase anything while you are traveling and living abroad or, more realistically, (b) don't fill your suitcases to the brim with stuff from the US before you get to your new overseas home. I've just got to get this Buddha back to Boston, dammit!
The rest of yesterday's lesson moved from weepy bouts of breathlessness to learning how to ask a fish monger to cut up a fresh catch, and from sayings like, "At first, I thought Sichuan food was too spicy," to "that beggar thinks you are very silly." If I wasn't still so frazzled yesterday morning, I might have inquired further as to why Beijing's community of poor and homeless is judging me these days. It's a big move, people!
Alright, time to mantra it up, and rinse away the grime. I'm hoping Origins will do the trick for now-literally and figuratively, of course.
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| promises I'll "breath a sigh of relief" after use |
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