How to purchase utilities in Beijing. Today's lesson is Water.
Sounds vaguely familiar, right? Good. That means you've been following along, and you already know how to go about purchasing electricity for your Beijing apartment. So, let's get to it.
1) First, spend your entire Friday cleaning the entire apartment from top to bottom. I mean, really give it a good scrub. Make it shine. Let's divide this step into sub-categories, shall we?
a) Wash three loads of laundry in one day. You've been avoiding laundry altogether for a week and it's about time your neighbors got another glimpse at your skivvies hanging out to dry in the windows.
b) Wash the sinks, the bathroom mirrors, the shower, behind the toilets in that spot you can't see but know it's collecting dust and worse. Do this using a combination of what's left of your cleaning supplies mixed with the faucet water and elbow grease.
c) Wash alllll the dishes. They have been collecting dust, not because you don't use them daily, but because Beijing apartments get exceedingly dusty every minute of the day. You have realized that ignoring the dust does not make it go away on its own. Because the water never gets hot, you let the kitchen faucet run longer than you normally would like to admit in a country with a water crisis.
d) Clean, clean clean. Behind the kitchen sink. The top of the fridge. The floors. Underneath the fridge. Under the cabinet. On top of the cabinet. The light fixtures. Under the couch. Under the bed. On top of the table. The windows. The flat screen TV that's never on because you get only one English speaking channel that plays the same program every two hours. Anything you see or touch. Clean it.
2) Spend the rest of your afternoon busying yourself by making lunch, wasting time online, and watching the third Twilight series movie. It's true. Beijing has broken you and you are now watching DVDs you bought from the corner shop for a dollar. You just wanted to see what the big deal is about this Twilight business. It's a dollar!
3) Somehow, it's already 8:00 PM, and you've exerted your cooking energy for the day at lunchtime. Go out for Peking roast duck.
4) Come home from dinner and plop yourself on the couch. Glance over at that plant you purchased three weeks ago; it needs watering.
5) Turn on the tap in the kitchen. There is a faint gurgling sound, but not a drop of water. Go to the half-bath to test that sink, too. psssssssstttttttttttthhhhhh. Check the other bathroom sink, the shower, flush the toilet. On second thought, don't flush the toilet. Save that water.
6) Check your bottled water situation.
7) You can check the faucets again in an hour or so, but don't get your hopes up.
8) Distract yourself by watching Don Draper destroy his life.
9) Before you go to bed, don't forget to brush your teeth and wash your face.
10) Damnit! girgle, girgle, hissss, phhhhhtttt.
11) Repeat step #9 using bottled water. In fact, repeat step #8, too.
12) The next day, if you can't shower in the morning because you lack water, don't worry. You planned to hike the Great Wall. And, anyhow, you're going to hide your unwashed self under a cool baseball cap embroidered with the Chinese character "tiger" that your friends gave you before you left for Beijing.
13) You return from your amazing day at the Great Wall. You're still on a high from having touched one of the Seven Wonders of the World. You forget that your water stopped flowing freely from its spouts 18 hours ago. You could really use a hot shower right about now.
No comments:
Post a Comment